He asked me if I "almost moaned"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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