I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
