i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
