I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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