Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
