What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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