sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
