i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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