I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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