My balls are so social today.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
