I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
