I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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