I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
