I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
