Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
