Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
