I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
