I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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