Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
