just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
