Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
