so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
