My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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