dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
