Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that is very illegal...i love you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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