Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
