Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
