the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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