But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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