Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
