new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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