the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
