I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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