there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
