So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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