Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
