last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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