I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
