Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
