Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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