Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
