I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
