That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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