Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
