I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's blow job season.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
