So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
