so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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