Apparently you make a good broom.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
