She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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