He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
