Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Come on in and take your pants off
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