Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
