i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
