Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
