Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
