I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
