is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize