benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
