There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
