I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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