He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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