My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
