im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
