she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
