I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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