evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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