grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
