Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
